@Lottie If you want to ask any questions thats fine, I may even make a series of question and answer posts about trans stuff. I’ve not felt like blogging much recently, but maybe I just need a little inspiration? You can email me at JustAskCM [AT] gmail [DOT] com.

G.O. – Thanks for clarifying. That’s kind of what I thought – that you were just expanding on the subject. I just wanted to make sure that no-one confused my sweetheart of a man for some jerk. Hahaha… I hope I didn’t sound defensive or anything. I appreciate everything you said, and totally agree!

So good advice from the chiro, then! Interesting, too, that you don’t have a female structure. You’re FTM right?

Also, I really hope you guys don’t mind me asking these questions. I’ve had tons of questions over the years, but I hesitate to ask because I want to respect people’s privacy and boundaries. I wonder if this might be the appropriate setting, though? If it’s OK with Ryan and everyone else, I’d like to put a question or two out there once in a while, as they occur to me. If it’s not OK, just tell me to shut up and mind my business.

As for hips, I have none really. I was complaining to my chiropractor recently about pain in my foot and he took a long look at my hips and leg structure, then asked about my shoes. I’d been regularly wearing these Merrell hikers that have a Q-form (I think it’s called) design. They’re specifically designed for women’s musculo-skeletal structure. My chiro exclaimed: But you don’t have a woman’s structure, ditch the shoes! As it turns out, I outgrew them anyway, and my foot pain is gone. As for how I walk, well, it’s definitely not feminine!

I don’t know where I would redirect you to, cos I can’t remember where I read most of what I have about the way people walk, most of it was pre-transition, so I wasn’t even thinking in terms of trans people at the time, just in terms of ‘Um, but I can’t walk like a girl, OH GOD IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HIPS???’

One other example I read on the internet was in a ‘How to pass’ guide for trans women that said that the quickest way to learn to walk like a girl with the appropriate stride length, hip wiggle etc, was the learn to walk properly in heels, and then just walk like that no matter what you are wearing on your feet.

That would have been useful advice for me back in the day, since I couldn’t walk in heels at all (the few times I did wear heels I got asked if I had something wrong with my legs cos I was walking so awkwardly). I might have been better at passing as a cisgirl if I learned to walk like a girl.

My girlfriend has been looking at old pics and stuff of me in girl mode, and has been marvelling at how much I looked like a trans woman, in spite of my feminine features, and extremely girly clothes.
I was even mistaken for a trans woman by a guy I had FUCKED once. I shit you not.
I guess it makes sense. If you move like a man, but dress like a drag queen hyper-femme, people are gonna think ‘tranny’ not ‘tom boy’ or ‘dyke’, like they would have if I was wearing pants and Doc Martens.

I can imagine that it’s a touchy subject. I didn’t know until reading this comment section that you guys are often advised to be jerks, basically. That’s wrong on so many levels that the subject deserves a post all its own (I’m sure there are quite a few).

So, just out of curiosity (I still have a lot to learn on the subject) you’re not disputing that our bone and pelvic structures are different, just that those differences don’t determine how we walk as much as socialization? I’m definitely interested in reading more about that if you can point me in the right direction.

Thanks!

I think t-boys get a bit touchy about being told ‘how to pass’ especially when so much of the advice is just plain ‘be ruder’. It gets up my nose, thats for sure.

I understand that Mike’s comments are related to bone structure, and I think he’s wrong, but I also know that what he believes is a fairly common idea, and I’ve even seen papers written on the topic. I also thought those papers were wrong, and poorly researched, and mostly about some scientists preconceived notions regarding gender.

Mike is the most gentle, sensitive, attentive and caring man I’ve ever known (we’re married). Neither of us believe in the concept of “real” men or “real” anything else along those lines. No-one is the gatekeeper of such things.

I know you were replying to G.O., Jacky, but G.O. was responding, at least in part, to Mike, and it’s starting to sound like Mike is being lumped in with people who think that being a “rude asshole” is part and parcel of being male. I happen to know that that’s not at all where he’s coming from.

Bottom line, we’re all basically on the same page here: we should all treat each other with respect and common decency, and no-one should apologize for being him/herself, whatever that may entail.

And I know Mike is quite capable of speaking for himself. He’s just rubbish when it comes to keeping up with comments, and I felt the need to defend his honor ( see, we really don’t care about gender roles )

I’ve already come across situations where the rules are changing… People give me more personal space, my straight male friends don’t want to hug (even to say goodbye) and so on and on.
Some of it I enjoy. For example, not having to fight to get my personal space is nice. The lack of sexual harassment is nice. I still have plenty of fags around, so I’m not lacking for hugs.
But I don’t need to push into line for the bus, or take up multiple seats, or speak over female friends, and on and on.

And I really don’t care how I’m read most of the time. Fag, Butch, dyke, straight boy (well, I’m a bit ew about straight boy), its all much the same to me these days.