So we were informed today that we *may* be made redundant because the university *may* outsource the IT department. The union has secured us packages, but haven’t saved our jobs… er, that *may* be outsourced. It was made very clear that no final decision has been made, but somehow I wasn’t terribly convinced.
To be honest, this job means the world to me. I love the people I work with, and I love working in the Education sector. Most of all, I love having a stable job… a permanent full time position.

I am a little tired of my life turning upside down every single time I think that I will be able to actually relax for a moment. I’ve just gone on T, I don’t want to start job-hunting at the moment. I know that even in the worst case scenario, I have a job until August, and I will be paid out a package of some description. Thats a pretty cold comfort though.

I am trying to look at this as yet another opportunity. I mean, its a prod in the direction of moving on to Melbourne or Brisbane. Maybe even Sydney, though that is less likely. I have been planning to move back to Melbourne anyway, but I didn’t think it would be until late 2009, or 2010. If I get made redundant though, all the more reason for a fresh start. If I find a good job down there before getting made redundant, even better.

So, anyway, for those of you interested, and in Australia, who might be able to point me in the direction of companies with a need for IT people, a brief look at my skills:
– Certification in ITIL v3 Foundations
– Mac OS X Desktop Support 10.5
– Competent in the use of Windows XP, Ubuntu and Mac OS X 10.4 and 10.5
– Excellent communications skills
– Excellent problem solving skills
– I learn freakishly fast
– Experience in customer service, with education and government clients, as well as private sector

And now I have until August to become an excellent programmer. Code monkeys can always get jobs.
Any suggestions for particularly *employable* programming languages at the moment?

I’ve been feeling guilty for misrepresenting myself to society.

THATS FUCKED UP.

I haven’t been misrepresenting myself to society! Society assigned its own meaning to me, and I went along with the status quo, because, lets face it, we are NOT born revolutionaries. We need to unlearn the ideas pressed on us from our earliest understanding, and recreate ourselves as we are. Then, maybe then, we can have the strength to fight societies assignation, and show ourselves for who we are.

Society does not make it easy for us. Not even those that are meant to support us, make it easy.

The fear of rejection makes me silent when I wish I could scream I AM A MAN.

I want to get a hair cut.
I want to buy new clothes.
I want people to stop defaulting to ree-anne after they meet me, though they call me Ryan over the phone.

Someone asked me today whether I would like him to call me he/him or she/her, or something else altogether. I was so warmed by that respect.

At this point, well… I refer to myself using male pronouns when I remember, but I am still defeating 22 years of conditioning. I don’t expect other people to start calling me he/him/his until I am physically androgynous or starting to pass.

I worry about so much… coming out to my mother, to the Grasby’s, to people at work. (Although I know some people from work have read this blog so no doubt there is a little gossip). I worry about affording to transition. I worry about the size of my breasts. I worry about finding a psychologist. I worry about finding a GP. I worry about transitioning on the job.

This isn’t a walk in the park. One person said to me that they didn’t see why I would risk screwing up my good looks by transitioning.

My LOOKS.

I mean SHIT!

WHO CARES ABOUT MY LOOKS?

Transitioning could earn me rejection from people I love, could hurt my mother even more, could damage my career, the t-therapy is expensive, the surgery more so.

This whole thing is scary, and enormous, but it is WORTH IT.

Its not cosmetic. Its ME.

Things are finally looking up for me. Life is stable. I’ve got an interesting and fun, well paying job, with friendly colleagues. I have no major health issues. No personal disasters. My debt level has begun to decrease instead of increasing. I have a safe place to live. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a bunch of good, supportive friends.

I have leisure time for drawing, and for painting, and for writing. I have a job that facilitates me spending time learning about IT processes and management, as well as technical skills such as scripting etc. My employer is a university, and my direct supervisors are wonderful people.

Everything is great.

I have two reactions to this. One part of me is cheering, and just enjoying it. The other part is waiting for something truly horrible to happen.

Maybe I’ve finally hit my break though. Maybe for a while things will be good. Thats what I hopes happening anyway.

Hello my devoted minions. it is 11.25am on a Saturday morning, and I have finally crawled out of the pile of blankets that passes as a bed for the moment. I released Sheba into the wild, and have retreated indoors to nurse my hayfever. Sheba is a rather large huntsman that I initially felt some antipathy toward for her selecting my favourite t-shirt as the site of her nest. Then I realised that she and I have amazingly similar taste in clothes, and that she is really rather cute, and not nearly as frightening as I first imagined. So I named her, and released her with a fond farewell.

There is a point to this post other than waxing lyrical about my emotional connection to anything furry, even if it has eight legs and spinerettes. (I really really need a cat)

So after a mere 2 weeks at the newsagency, I have secured a contract with the University of Canberra. I begin there on the 26th. I am rather excited. The computers at the newsagency are 10 years old, and crash when I type too fast. *blinks* My new job will contain plenty of broken computers, but it will be my job to fix them, so that beats the pants off boring retail.

The next couple of weeks are likely to be quite busy. I have 2 more weeks in the Newsagency, I have to work up the courage to tell my boss that I am leaving him. I feel rather mean, cos he is so nice. Very grandfatherly. On the other hand, he keeps Diva and LOTL in the porn section. *weighs up*
I think I will cope.

Today is for cleaning, and laundry. The Cottage is barely liveable at the moment. (Although, admittedly, my ‘barely liveable’ is anothers ‘pretty clean and tidy’ given the reactions I have had from visitors as I apologise for the mess).

Comic-type amusement after the jump!

I want to be Hannelore’s mother when I grow up.

<3

With my birthday every year, a massive change arrives. This year is no exception. I am now 22 years old, and one week before my birthday I found myself unemployed. This may sound on the surface like a bad thing, after all, if you read my old blog at all, you would be aware that I loved my employer, and loved my job. Also there is the small matter of how on earth to pay my rent!

I have found however, that this change has been one of the most positive changes that has occurred in my life during the past 12 months. It was forced upon me, but I think that is simply because sometimes I don’t know what is best for me. The financial situations a bit of a problem, but other than that everything is better. My physical and mental health are much improved, many of my relationships have benefitted, I feel positive about the future, and I have had a chance to sit and think about what I really want from life.

Now I plan to move forward, and seize every opportunity that life presents me with. I am job hunting, but I am also trying to be creative in my er… extra-curricular endeavours, to get enough cash together to pay my rent (So far most of the idea’s I have come up with have been illegal, but I figure I will come up with something both legal and profitable eventually).
I would like a job that can further my long term career, however the idea that maybe getting a position in retail over the Xmas break could be profitable, and being a Xmas casual is kind of fun. 13 hour shifts on a broken foot, selling christmas lights and remote control cars… *sighs nostalgically* Yeah, maybe my memories are a bit rosier than the reality. My foot isn’t broken this year though, which has got to be a plus!

I plan on returning to complete my degree next year, and earn that bit of social capital that is a Bachelors degree in business. I am not very good at working for other people, and would like to start my own firm as soon as possible, but to increase my chances of success, I believe that I need as much expertise in business as possible, to offset my young age. I would like a good deal of this to be earned through hands on experience, but I also understand the value of university book-learning. I’m currently reading books like “Good Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” and “What Do You Do For a Living? A Bold New Vision for Leaders”, which I will review here later.

All in all, everything in life is going so well, that I can’t imagine what could make it better, except for finding a nice pot of gold on my front lawn. I haven’t even managed to get myself worked up about how to pay my rent yet, even though my savings have all gone into doctors bills this year. I figure it will work out. I’m creative. Whats the worst that could happen?

Also, a little random trivia… my birthday fell on National Coming Out Day this year. Could be a hint from the universe…