So I have a couple of posts bubbling, but I feel like my mind is so full of other ideas that I can barely string two sentences together.

So, I got paid today, and have almost finished paying my electricity bill, while keeping aside enough in the way of funds to pay my phone bill, and buy GROCERIES.

That’s pretty damned exciting. It means that soon, very soon, i will have internet at home! *hooray*

So anyway, I am in a bit of a geek-out at the moment. I have at least two more posts on gender in me, and I had someone write a very long, and well thought out, but misguided reply to one of my posts, so I want to rebutt that.

However, all I can think about is the merits of 2D animation over the 3D, whether I can justify the purchase of a shiny and exciting Mac Pro tower, and how well it would run drawing and animation applications…

I am also in the middle of reading multiple fantasy novels, and have signed up to play two (free) online games, which I have barely touched, but have inspired me to create a game of my own… an RPG that challenges societal structure, and requires its players to think outside the norm… Probably with retro-chic 8-bit graphics.

I also need to enroll in a university course, and I need to enroll in something that doesn’t require much in the way of attendance, and doesn’t have an exam. I am sick of doing really well in a course and then bombing in the exam.

Anyway, I am thinking that its probably better just to do something for interests sake, that will get my average marks up a little.

And the primary candidate: 

Sex, Gender and Identity: An Introduction to Gender Studies GEND1001

I think I can swing a pretty decent mark in that. It will also give me a proper grounding in this stuff, rather than just me muddling along with whatever bits and pieces that turn up.

I have a lot of art, and at least one 2D animation in me at the moment. I also have this game bubbling, which really gives me an excuse to take XCode Tools for a spin. On top of that, the Civil Unions Demonstration is careening towards us, with another meeting on Saturday. I also need to tidy up the house and make it liveable for 2 more people, which means moving my stuff out of the two spare rooms.

I feel BIZZY!

So I spent my New Years Eve reading Man Made Language, and Full Frontal Feminism. (I really must get around to reading some of the negative opinions of Full Frontal Feminism, cos I didn’t see much of a problem with it… but then, that is probably my white privilege showing)

This is the sort of dorky behaviour that got me labelled a ‘Square’ in high school. Alas, I have never been cool. 

Anyway, I was thinking, as I read Full Frontal Feminism, that I wish I had discovered feminism when I was in High School. I read Kaz Cook’s ‘Real Gorgeous’ and loved it, and a bunch of stuff on gender, and was generally a smart cookie, so I kinda guessed that I was onto something. It would have been nice to have the reassurance that I was right, though. 

I was battling day in and day out. 

I remember arguing that the Bible wasn’t fair to women, but I was always shot down. 

Why is Adultery was the only divorce-worthy sin? What if my husband never cheated on me, but beats me every day?

“Well, thats why you marry a good Christian man. He wont hit you.”

Why does it say that a wife should obey her husband, but not the other way around? What if I know better?

“One member of a partnership has to be able to make the final decision. Besides, your husband will love you, and want what’s best for you”

What if I am a lesbian? What if I keep liking girls?

“Ha ha ha… Oh, you have such a track record with boys, we don’t need to fear that.”

(My ‘track record with boys’ was two boyfriends… I had quite a ‘reputation’)

When I came up with solid examples of these ideas gone dreadfully wrong, I was dismissed, and it was pointed out that the parties involved weren’t 100% Christian, or were living in sin.

Because the woman that was being beaten by her non-Christian husband shouldn’t have married a non-Christian! Silly woman!

I was so confused, had so many questions, but no one paid me heed. Eventually to deal with the cognitive dissonance I threw myself into religion to such an extent, I just blocked out the conflicting information. I went through a period of being intensely pro-life, and anti-feminist. I figured I would just grow up, get married, and that would be that.

Damn it, why was it going to take Paul so long to graduate Medicine? 

(See, I even had me a good Christian doctor to marry. We would probably be missionaries together, or something)

It will probably come as a great surprise to many of you reading this, that I actually planned on going to Bible College to study teaching. In preparation for my missionary-wife days, you see. I giggle when I think of it now.

Everything has changed.

Its happened step by step.

This is the handy 10-step map of my change from Good Christian Girl, to jumped up Trannie Feminist. I wrote it partially in l33t, cos I feel like a w4nk0r tonight.

1. No Babies. Not now. Not EV4. This womb be BARREN.

(No one actually believed me, even after I had stuck to that line for more than two years)

2. OMG Feminism is TEH WIN! I’ve been such a n00b!

3. Oh… my boyfriend is a dickhead. Maybe I wont marry him even though we’ve been living in sin. DUMPZORS

4. Wow. Girls are made of win! I still think so, after all this time. Maybe I am bisexual after all?

6. I am so not ever getting married. Ever. EVER.

7.  Hmph. Girls are REALLY awesome. I’m such a dyke. LOLZ

8. WHADDYAMEENICUDTRANSITION??????

9. OMG OMG OMG I COULD TRANSITION

10. So am I a dyke, or a straight man?

Things are finally looking up for me. Life is stable. I’ve got an interesting and fun, well paying job, with friendly colleagues. I have no major health issues. No personal disasters. My debt level has begun to decrease instead of increasing. I have a safe place to live. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a bunch of good, supportive friends.

I have leisure time for drawing, and for painting, and for writing. I have a job that facilitates me spending time learning about IT processes and management, as well as technical skills such as scripting etc. My employer is a university, and my direct supervisors are wonderful people.

Everything is great.

I have two reactions to this. One part of me is cheering, and just enjoying it. The other part is waiting for something truly horrible to happen.

Maybe I’ve finally hit my break though. Maybe for a while things will be good. Thats what I hopes happening anyway.