This first one is long, but well worth the read:
BODY SHAME, BODY PRIDE: LESSONS FROM THE DISABILITY RIGHTS MOVEMENT by Eli Clare

Late at night
as I trace the long curve of your body,
tremors touch skin, reach inside,
and I expect to be taunted, only to have you
rise beneath my hands, ask for more.

Let’s lean towards a place where we can name bodily difference, even through our ambivalence, grief, longing, in ways that don’t fan the flames of shame, a place where none of us expect to be taunted and we know ourselves to be sexy and desirable.

and

I want to nurture the most complex conversation possible about how we disclose our bodies and identities to strangers, friends, co-workers, lovers, tricks, doctors, family. I want to honor all the losses and gains contained in each decision to be out or not. At the same time, I want to challenge the argument I hear sometimes that being trans is simply a private bodily and medical matter, no one’s business beyond our closest intimates.

The ability to keep bodily matters private is a privilege that some of us will never have. Just ask a poor person on welfare, a fat person, a visibly disabled person, a pregnant woman. Ask a person of color whose ethnic heritage isn’t seemingly apparent. Just ask a seriously ill person, a gender ambiguous person, a non-passing transman or transwoman. All these people experience public scrutiny, in one way or another, of their bodies.

Gender Variance in Autism: How much is just Sensory? by Lindsay

I don’t think there are very many articles on this — research on gender and autism tends to concentrate more on differences between male and female autistics and on the incidence of co-occurring autism and gender identity disorder than on simply describing what gender expression in autistic people looks like — so I will stick to anecdote, and restrict this post to more of a “Please be aware that unusual gender presentation by an autistic person might actually reflect that person’s sensory preoccupations, with the gendered aspects of dress or accessories being entirely incidental” public-service announcement, rather than make any attempt at definitive statements.

Transgender Vs Asperger by Punkfairy

A psychologist I saw when I was coming out to myself told me that many of her patients had asperger’s, and that many of their asperger “symptoms” disappeared when they altered their body with HRT or by surgery (they were all gender variant/genderqueer in some way) and became happier with themselves.

Gender Identity by Shiva

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that all autistic people are non-normatively gendered, but i do believe that there is probably some sort of link between autism and atypical gender identity. My suspicion is that “group identities” in general (such as ethnicity, class identity, national identity, etc) are less logical and less necessary to autistic people than they are to neurotypical people, and (the social component of) gender identity would be included in that – so, if 2 people both lacked innate gender identity, and one was autistic but the other NT, the autistic person would probably be the more likely to identify as androgynous/agendered/genderqueer, whereas the NT might well still think ze had an innate gender identity due to hir gendered socialisation. (Autistic children are also much more likely to resist gendered socialisation… or, indeed, any kind of socialisation at all )

Sex: not just about penetration (no, not even for heterosexuals) by Shiva
(Have I mentioned how much I love Shiva? Blog crushy!)

There also desperately needs to be something (tho i’m at a loss as to precisely what) done to change the prevailing ideology among young people in the Uk that penis-centred sex is the only valid kind of sex. Young men see fellatio as desirable, and describe it in terms which are, if not explicitly then very heavily implicitly, about making women submit to them, but see cunnilingus as disgusting, even “immoral”. Dancehall and hip-hop artists call men who go down on women “bowcats” and call for their beating, shooting and burning alongside homosexuals. I would really, really love to see a youth culture in which penetration is disparaged as “uncool” and going down on a woman (which i see as probably the greatest privilege a man can be given), or, better yet, making a woman come is the thing young men brag about. In this patriarchal culture i don’t have much hope for that to happen, tho…

Disability Blog Carnival: Sex and Disability Hosted by Zephyr

Oftentimes, people with disabilities are perceived as asexual creatures who have no sexual needs or desires. Other people assume that no one could ever desire us sexually, or that we could ever have satisfying sex lives. Many of us can and do.

Yet, there are specific issues and problems related to sex that we face as disabled people. There are also unique and wonderful experiences we get to have because of the disability. And of course, we do sex differently because of our disabilities. I wanted this carnival to give us a chance to share our sexual experiences and knowledge as disabled people.

This post is about pansexuality.
A warning:
I have had people suggest that since ‘pan’ in this context means ‘everything’, that means that pansexuals are open to bestiality, and pedophilia. Therefore I shouldn’t label myself with that word.

We understand that homosexual and heterosexual and bisexual refer to ’same gender’, ‘different gender’ and ‘two genders’ respectively, in regards to who someone falls in love with, and who someone fucks.
If you want to claim that ‘pansexual’ means something other than ‘every gender’ or ‘all genders’, then srsly, fuck off. I wont engage with you in this post.

People that are heavily invested in the gender binary, for example, the writer of True Selves, will tell us that there are only 3 sexual orientations, everything else is a sexual identity. I disagree. I think that pansexuality and asexuality are both valid sexual orientations, in addition to the three more commonly listed. I would probably regard most others, like ‘queer’, or ‘homoflexible’ as identities, rather than orientations, but if you want to call it an orientation, I’m not going to argue.

I identify as pansexual, and queer. I am uncomfortable with the idea of allowing yourself to love, or not to love based on the physical anatomy of the person in question. This will sound arrogant, but I love a persons soul. I think that everyone loves with their soul.

I find the idea of not being able to love someone just because they do or do not have a certain body part rather puzzling. I think that most of my friends would agree that they can love people of any gender, but the physical attraction is more specific. I don’t have a beef with homosexuals or heterosexuals wanting to only fuck people of a certain gender, but I think that one has to be very careful when and how one says that out loud. It can come across as bigoted, especially if you throw transsexuals and genderqueers into the mix. We all know I have a gripe with lesbian-identified women wanting to fuck trans men, but not trans women.

I think that sometimes I am not able to look objectively at this matter, being pansexual and transsexual. I am attracted to a whole variety of masculity, femininity, and genderfuck. I think that trans women are hot, and trans men are sexy, and cross dressers are THE BOMB. I also find straight men and women interesting, and queers of all genders positively head-explodey levels of exciting.
Sure there are people I simply *don’t* find attractive. Usually though, it has little to do with their body, and more to do with ‘ugly attitudes’. I get cold when I hear people say racist things. Transphobia makes me want to slap you down. Ableism? Forget about getting into my pants.

Bisexuals and Pansexuals have some unique problems integrating with queer communities as well. I don’t think that just because a lesbian has a boyfriend at the moment makes her a straight girl. I think she should probably consider assessing her *lesbian* identity in favour of bisexuality or pansexuality, but she certainly shouldn’t be told not to come along to queer events cos she’s ’straight now’. It annoys me that people assess the sexuality of bisexuals and pansexuals based on who they happen to be fucking at the moment. (My favourite theory is that 10% of the population are het, 10% are homo, and the other 80% are bi or pan)

For me, the key to my pansexuality is the idea of loving a soul. Obviously I am a visual and tactile person, but I find the human body a wondrous thing, I don’t need people to fit some generic idea of ‘beautiful’ for me to find them sexy. This means that I don’t need my men masculine, and my women feminine. What is *really attractive* is talking sexy idea’s. Smart is sexy.

I have been considering beauty myths recently. Since my post on Monstrous Gender actually.

As I said, I am not afraid of becoming monstrous, because my body will be closer to what it should be. My dysphoria is already decreasing, just from binding and a little practically invisible facial hair. What I was afraid of is that I might not be loved because everyone else is so repulsed by my monstrosity.

It started to occur to me a few days ago, that maybe I am looking at it all wrong. Maybe being monstrous is a beautiful thing, maybe someone will love me BECAUSE of who I am, not IN SPITE.
Maybe Belle was sad that the Beast turned into a man, and wished he’d stayed how he was for her? Maybe like Fiona, she wanted to live happily ever after with the monster she fell in love with, not some Prince Charming?
I always thought that the line at the end of Shrek, when he says ‘But you are beautiful’ was just a line… but maybe it was the point of the whole movie. Not that you can be happy and loved in spite of being ugly, but maybe that being a monster *is* beautiful!?

I thought about it, and I thought of what culture constructs as beautiful, and how my idea of beauty is vastly different to that.
I think that tattoos, and piercing, and fatness, and queerness, and hairiness and subversity are not only cool, but beautiful in and of themselves.
Sometimes when I say that I think fat women are hot, people react like I have announced that I have some kind of bizarre kink. I don’t understand that, at all.

Once I realised that the way I look at gender is largely determined by cultural factors that I have been able to transcend in other areas, I had to ask myself: what do I find disgusting about trans people? I have never thought that any of my trans friends are repulsive, so why do I assume that someone else will find me repulsive?

Blending the genders is not considered attractive. Effeminacy is a perversion, and even a sin, according to 1 Corinthians 6:9. A woman should be feminine, a man should be masculine, end of story. There is a little room for beautiful men, and no room at all for handsome masculine women.
Societies beauty is fair, and even featured, and thin. It is male or female, and not ambiguous or androgynous. It has large eyes, and shining hair, but a hairless body. Mainstream beauty relegates the blending of genders to subversity and fetish.
The extreme’s are trans people, and intersex people. Our monstrous bodies blend the binary genders into one horrifying whole. There are less extreme examples though. How many people believe that all butch dykes are ugly?

I have posted before on tranny chasers. I have some trouble with them. I get harassed online and off. I don’t label someone as chaser until they have ignored who I am, in favour of what they think a transsexual is. Usually they think that I am a sexual deviant of some kind, which I really am not. Usually they think that I have no right to privacy, and no capacity to say no.
I find them repulsive, on so many levels. I don’t like being fetishized for being transsexual, because it is not all that I am.

I like hooking up with trans people though. I like hooking up with creative, self aware, intelligent people, and it just so happens that many of the trans people I know fit these categories. I don’t mind making out with some random in a club, but when it comes to taking someone home with me, they have to be special.
I have to know that they are cool with who I am, but I don’t want them to only want to come with me out of curiosity regarding the contents of my jocks.

I have suddenly come to realise that my future wont be loveless. If I can think that these people are awesome, insightful, sexy, beautiful people, then fuck! Maybe they can think the same about me?

So my boyfriend asked me what I thought was an odd question last night:
“How come you are so cool with being gay?”
My response wasn’t that helpful, it was along the lines of “With so much else to worry about, how can I worry about that too!”

I’ve been thinking about it a bit since then.

I spent most of my life thinking that I was a lesbian, and that explained me. Of course that fell flat the moment I investigated the lesbian scene, but that was an important learning experience for me. (Lesbians are women! Shock! Who knew. Even Butch Dykes are still women!)

When I heard the term Pansexual last year I adopted that sexual identity. Really pansexuality is a kind of bisexuality, but ignores the gender binary. I don’t identify as third gender, or outside the gender binary, but there are people that do, and I do find that attractive, as well as finding both men and women attractive.

I went back to identifying as lesbian for a while because I found out about physical transition, and somehow felt like I needed to make absolutely certain that I wasn’t a lesbian instead of a man. I also realised that all the relationships I had with men up until that point had been deeply unhealthy, and for very broken reasons, and assumed that any attraction I felt to men would be for similarly faulty reasons in the future.

Now I identify as ‘pansexual’, ‘queer’, ‘male’, ‘trans’, and ‘gay’. I am cool with being gay, just because it fits me. I like applying the term ‘fag’ to myself.
I’ve realised that yeah, my relationships with men in the past have been kinda fucked up, and I’ve entered them for fucked up reasons, but that doesn’t mean I am completely not attracted to men. I also acknowledge that part of my attraction to men is a fascination with the male body. I love watching men shower, and shave, and do other manly things that I just never saw in my house. (By the time my brother hit puberty I’d disconnected from my family).
I also know that there have been men that I have loved deeply, and passionately, and that they have made me feel hot around the ears when they’ve kissed me. (My ears get hot when I am turned on, is that normal?)

I’m currently in a relationship with another guy, and frankly, the only thing that matters to me is that he digs me as much as I dig him. What people think doesn’t factor much… except for one thing!
There’s only one thing I hate more than being perceived as a lesbian, and that is being perceived as a straight woman. I am misgendered less often when I am physically with him though.

I think that I can be rather blase about being gay, because my life contains two categories of people. People who’s opinion doesn’t matter to me, and people who don’t care that I am queer.
Others aren’t always that lucky.

Cos I have a lot to say about gender, I am writing an entire series on it! OMG! Exciting! So anyway, here’s the first post…

When I was a little tot, I loved “The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler” a childrens novel that hides the main characters sex through out the book. It seems to be a book about a little boy, then in the last page! BANG! You find out that its been a girl all along!
I read it in the 4th grade, and my teacher asked us lots of questions about whether this final revelation changed our opinion of Tyke, or her actions through out the book and so on. She was one of my two truly feminist teachers through out school… I remember my mum disapproving of her, and not working out why.

I also loved Yentl, and told my mother that when I grew up I was going to be a boy like that too! She kindly explained that I wouldn’t have to pretend to be a boy to go to school like in the movie. I already new that… I just wanted to dress like a boy. And I thought that spilling the wine on the bed was such a clever clever move!

When I reached High school, I loved The Song of the Lioness. Alanna disguises herself as a boy to become a knight of the realm. Thrilling fantasy!

I have always been attracted to stories about women that can pull off being men. I am also attracted to stories about really kick arse women. I rarely enjoy stories where the majority of the lead characters are male.
I cannot identify easily with male characters written by men. Often they are shallow, and depthless. I have found that much of the male-centric fantasy which is out there, the story is propelled by the events, not the characters relationships. Also, male written, male centric fantasy tends to be dripping with male-privilege which can be quite hard to take when you haven’t even had access to it.

I’ve been told that its cos I am a girl that I love stories that are about relationships, and complications that come about via the interaction of humanity. I always feel like I’m being told that my taste in literature is inferior because I was born female.

You know, every organisation is made up of people. A good manager/leader is capable of directing and pruning the social interactions within an organisation to achieve optimal results for organisational goals. But leadership and management are not seen as ‘feminine’.

The ‘gender roles’ are so contradictory, it sometimes amazes me that people can honest to goodness, BELIEVE that they are immutable.

No fuck it! Gender roles are constructions! They are not real!

I am not male because I like to play with computers, and read comic books, and to kiss girls.
I am male because I feel like I have an invisible male body overlaying my female body, and like the map in my head, of where all my parts are matches up to the unseen body, not the seen on.
For a year now I have been going on and on about making my outside match my inside. Just by cutting off all my hair I felt I was representing myself more truly. Each step I take towards reclaiming my body, takes me a step closer to feeling like I am not lying and hiding myself, every day.

You know, the reason I hate skirts is not because men shouldn’t or can’t wear skirts…
In many cultures ’skirts’ are the norm for men. In Tamil Nadu they wear the veshti by day, and the loongi by night, in south east asia they have sarongs, in scotland there are kilts, and so on.
Here though, a skirt is seen as a marker that clearly says ‘female’, and I want to mark myself ‘male’. My entire body lies to people, and I can’t help that… but if I wear a skirt, I am lying, because I am displaying what I know will be interpreted as a feminine trait…

(A loongi is a fabulous thing to sleep in… I suggest one try it sometime. In fact, I think that I will invest in some madras cotton, and make myself some loongi’s. I’ll post the pattern here if anyone is interested… its pretty simple, but tying it takes some getting used to)